Being okay.

I miss someone.

I miss 3 someones. I miss a boy. I miss my grandfather. I miss a friend. Two are dead, and therefore, I’ll never see them in person again… one, even though we’re still “friends,” I’ll probably never see him again either. I lost all 3 in the span of 1 year.

The boy was first. The breakup that broke me. Then my friend came and swooped in and while he didn’t fix everything, he made sure I was okay. Then my grandfather died and my friend made sure I was okay. Then, one week later, my friend died. This year has been rough. I had plans to go to Utah, then immediately to the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico …to volunteer. All of those were changed because of funerals.

Why is it that every holiday reminds me of at least one of them?

Every time I miss one, I’m reminded of them all. The 3 people who’ve never met each other… are intertwined in my heart and memories. It’s weird.

I want to go travel. Travel was my outlet for my sadness or frustrations.  I got a concussion a month ago, and I’m dealing with extreme fatigue every few hours and I can’t be left alone for very long without burning out and falling asleep instantly, which would be rather problematic being somewhere alone on the planet, jet-lagged, and using Google translate.

I’m going crazy. The doctor told me that I’d probably be experiencing this fatigue for about 3-6 months, so hopefully, in 5 months, I’ll be okay.

So, in 5 months … I’ll be in Southeast Asia. See you out there. And I promise. I’ll be okay.


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